Lets Talk about Toxic Friendships

Let me start this blog post with a little side conversation. I love self exploration journals, self help blogs/podcasts/books, and I love helping people! SO with that being said - let me help you out for a moment.

Here are some self help books/journals that I have found so far to be extremely helpful!

(All were purchased on www.amazon.com, www.officedynamics.com, or your local bookstore).

I am always constantly finding new things to read, I actually have two other books on my docket to read on these subjects that I will write about later.

OK... so now the real topic: TOXIC PEOPLE

So how does the first part of my post and the main topic correlate? Well simple. I was writing in the "52 Lists for Happiness" book tonight, and one of the questions is: "List the best choices you have made in your life".

Mine goes as such:

• Going to Europe

• Graduating from College

• Pursuing a Masters Degree

• Joining a Sorority

• Buying a House

• Buying a Car

• Buying a Bike

• Going to SUU

• Joining a Book Club

• Getting Rid of Toxic People

I did this without any prompt at all, the pen and the paper met and it was a match made in heaven.

Some of the people that I have "gotten rid of" left me for reasons unknown, others left by force, and others I have chosen to get rid of. In the end, it has been an extremely POSITIVE experience even though initially it was heart breaking, gut wrenching, and depressing!

I am going to get real here, so bear with me.

One of the people who "left for reasons unknown" just stopped hanging out with me, calling, etc. We were really great friends for a long time, we did everything together, and were even best friends (which is a term earned and not given in my book). I would text and call per usual, nothing too invasive, but it was never reciprocated. After a while I just stopped. It hurt, it sucked, I lost a friend. I don't have many friends at a time, so this was a big deal. What would I do with my time? Who would I go to for advice? So through time I just had to tell myself that things happen for a reason. Then we saw each other after a while and they acted strange, uncomfortable, and then acted as if nothing wrong had happened between us.

Now I won't bore you with other examples because one of the situations was really hard for me, we were such good friends but ended badly and it hurts to talk about it and I am still accepting the situation, so I will tell you one more of someone I chose to end the friendship with...

This other person and I met at work back in high school and we hung out for a while, through time this person spread negativity and always was depressing (not good for my depression). I found myself dreading spending time with this person. It hit me one day that this person needed to leave my life. I was not so great at this, I sort of "ghosted" this person but I feel okay with my decision because they were not good for me.

I know that I am not perfect in any scenario so I won't say that neither were my fault, but it feels great to not have these toxic people in my life.

So how do I deal with it?

First things first, you have to accept it. This is so hard. You had a great friendship or you think you are having fun, but then you look at your life and you realize that you would be a better person without them. With one of my friends that were toxic, I realized that she made me an unbearable person so the way things ended may not have been the best, but it is for the better.

Second -find people, music, literature, activities etc. that lift you up. Positivity is hard and I am sure after so long positive people make you want to vomit. I can assure you that you attract what you put out.

Thirdly - love yourself no matter what. It is important that you put yourself first before any new relationship/friendship.

It is hard to admit to yourself that someone may not be important to you anymore, but it may be the reality check you need.

I often found myself invited places but only if so-and-so did not come. That was a huge reality check for me! I also craved hanging with those people more than the person that was not invited.

As I create new friendships and develop existing ones, I try not to fall down the rabbit hole of a toxic person. Some habits die hard. As someone who struggles with depression and often wants to hide under her baby blanket, I try to be mindful of others feelings but in the end it comes down to you and who you want to be influenced by.

They say you become like the top three people you associate with, so pick those top three people wisely.

COMMENT BELOW with any advice/stories/questions.

Until next time...